There is always the thought: when is something going to change.
I have been toiling the roads of theology, ministry and church for over 20 years: I have been through 5 church plants/church renewals, I have been a part of a pastoral staff at an all-white Lutheran church, endured a racist candidacy process with people whom claim to love the same God as me, I have sat in rooms with Bishops/prophets/apostles/elders, I have had conversations with some of the greatest theologians in the country, I have interviewed at more churches than I care to admit and applied to more than I remember, and I am entering my second semester of a PhD. in Theology and Ethics. And, I ask myself, “What am I missing?”
I am not sure but I keep plugging until something changes. I have been told that maybe that is God’s way of telling you that you should be doing something else. All these doors keep getting slammed in your face; when will you get the message, that God does not want you in the church. God keeps closing the doors so that you will move on to something else. My reply, “Maybe you are right but I’m going to walk this out a little while longer.”
I felt like writing today because I needed to express where I am in my soul. This, is where I am in my soul. It is that moment when you have made all the moves you can make, now you wait for God to make the next move. Having done all the stand…stand. (Ephesians 6:13)
The church and the academy are tricky places to understand even when they, supposedly, represent God.
Syncopated Hustle 
Pedagogical Prophylactic
Am I the only one that hears the word “condom” whenever “prophylactic” is used? Perhaps I was perverted prematurely. The product of a pedagogy preferenced on a prim and pulchritudinous predisposition, played out in the proliferation of promiscuity. No matter how big the words, it still sounds dirty. Nonetheless, no more indelible lessons have I learned than the ones I was taught as a hyper-carnal youth. It was then that I encountered the most authentic and austere teachers; those with a stake in the ecosystem for better or worse. Lest we overlook my alliterative “P”; we had preachers, pimps and pushers the whole lot – pastors with PhDs had we not. Remember “peace god”? Rhymes with “feet shod”. Imagine that, a street exchange initiated by such powerful spiritual terminology shrouded in the affront of passive-aggression, met with an armor of god response endowed to stand firm in that very same peace. Explosive offense versus impregnable defense. Better have a good referee. One who can see the game from a balanced perspective, letting them play while tight-roping zero tolerance. My favorite quote, Maya Angelou said, “…at your very best (self-actualized) you will only be two things, a servant and a teacher.” Paul in Ephesus perhaps.